His first steps. And I missed them. I'm home every night after work. I never stop off at the bar or go hang out with friends. I run all my errands during the day so I can get home as quick as I can. But the second and fourth Thursday of every month, I have a meeting. It usually goes to about 9 PM. Most months one of those meetings is canceled for one reason or anther. So it really works out to maybe 1.25 nights a month. Max.
And this little booger decided to take his first steps on that night. Less than two hours before I got home. I honestly almost cried. (Yes Dear, I know I cry at Hallmark commercials, but this was for real.)
There are so many milestones and I know I'll be there for most of them. But when you miss one, it hurts. And there's the guilt. If I had been at work when he did it, it wouldn't hurt so much because I would have been somewhere I absolutely had to be. You gotta earn a living for your family.
But I was at a Lodge Meeting. I coulda skipped it. I know, I know. How am I supposed to know he was going to walk tonight? Can I really put everything on hold to minimize the chance I'll miss a milestone? No. But being a parent means taking on oneself an unreasonable expectation of perfection. Failing to meet that expectation brings on guilt. Find me a parent without at least a little guilt and I'll show you a parent that just doesn't give a damn.
So, I missed his first step. And his second. And his third. But maybe I'll be there for his fourth. And if not, I'll be there for many of his other milestones. His first day of school. His first... whatever. And he'll know how proud I am of him. Whether I'm right there when it happens, or I have to hear him retell it to me over and over. He's my li'l booger and I am so proud of him.
Posted by Ken at 10:46 PM
4comments Calvin - "How come you know so much?" Dad - "It's all in the book you get when you become a father."
Name: Ken Home: Upstate, NY, United States The Basics: Me? I'm a very happy father to three children and male role model to two more for a grand total of five children. Four boys and one girl. They range in age from one to fifteen years old. They are awesome kids and distinctly unique. I am madly in love with Emmy who has made me happier than I ever thought I could be. I work for a software company providing training and customer support. Last, but not least, I am a Freemason in The Grand Lodge of New York.